


Job Interview with Doomguy

by Ryodin01



Category: Doom (Video Games)
Genre: Interviews, Not as violent as it could be, Other, mostly comedic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 06:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9223964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryodin01/pseuds/Ryodin01
Summary: What if Doomguy had to get a normal job?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when you watch a Doom playthrough on absolutely no sleep. I have no idea what was going through my head.

Walking into hell, crushing demon skulls, and killing anything that moves in the vicious and brutal way possible? That’s easy. Applying for a normal job, THAT was terrifying. Unfortunately for Doomguy, people were now scared of opening portals to Hell knowing he’d show up and possibly murder them. All he had left to do now was get a job back on Earth. So, he applied for a security position at a local office building.

“Mr….Doomguy?” The manager announced.

This was it. Time to impress.

As they walked into the office, the interviewer gestured for him to take a seat. The chair creaked under the weight of Doomguy’s massive build.

“So, Mr. Doomguy, if I may get straight to business. What makes you think that you’d be suitable for this job?”

“Well” he began. The interviewer jumped at the roughness of his deep voice. “I’m a real hard worker. When I get a job to do, I go at it aggressively until the job is finished.”

“I see.” The interviewer flipped through his papers. “You put here that were a… space marine? I take it you mean you were in the military.”

“Uh, you could say that.” Does going around killing demons count as military work? He kind of just showed up and did without anyone telling him to.

“Is the helmet from your one of your tours of duty?” The interviewer pointed questioningly to Doomguy’s helmet in his lap.

“Sorry. This thing has seen me through hell and back more than once. I kind of feel naked without it.”

“Of course.” The interviewer looked back at the papers on his desk. Ignoring how Doomguy lifted his helmet to admire it. “If it’s alright with you I’d like to run a scenario with you.”

Doomguy shifted in his seat, the chair making sounds like it was slowly dying under his weight. “Yes, please.”

The interviewer leaned forward. “Ok, say an angry former came into the building and started causing a ruckus. How would you handle the situation?”

“Well, first I’d approach him and look right in his eyes.” To emphasize his point, he stood up and leaned over leaned over the desk, staring the interviewer right in his eyes. He quickly leaned back in his chair, meeting the eyes of the large imposing man before him whose eyes seemed to scare at him to run for his life.

“Then, I’d say to him. You don’t get second chance. You can either walk out of that door on your own legs” His entire demeanor shifted as said this. The interviewer could see nothing but a willingness to cause death and destruction in his eyes. “or I can break both of your legs, Rip Them Off, And BEAT YOU WITH THEM UNTIL YOU DECIDE YOUR WAY TO LEAVE ALIVE IS TO DRAG YOURSELF OUT OF THE DOOR AND RIGHT INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC!” He grabber the interview and dragged him till they faces were close he could the heat of his breath as he yelled in face. “SO, WHICH ONE IS IT GOING BE?!”

The interviewer screamed as Doomguy finished yelling. Staring into his eyes and seeing his own death quickly approach him. The only thing he could feel at this moment was fear and the warm fluid running down his leg.

Just as quickly as he started, Doomguy dropped the man back into his chair behind the desk and sat back down. “That’s how I would handle it” He said, clearing his throat.

The interviewer barely recovered from his little episode. “Well… Mr. Doomguy… We will… Keep in touch.”

Doomguy rose from his chair. “Thank you for having this interview with me.” He leaned forward to shake his hand, but the interviewer immediately jumped out of his seat and screamed.

“JUST GO, PLEASE!” He yelled, cowering against the wall.

“Right! Sorry!” Doomguy immediately left the office and slammed the door behind him. He breathed out calmly. “Well, I think that went well.” As he left, the door to office fall off it hinges.


End file.
